On more than one occasion I have pondered that question. Over these past few weeks I have rediscovered an answer to that question—one that I had learned long ago. One of the things that are real is relationships. From the beginning God told us that “it is not good for human-kind to be alone.” God created us to live in relationship to others, and when relationships are absent, life is not complete.
We are family, community. At least, that’s the way we were created to live.Over these past few weeks, I have rediscovered afresh this truth in significant ways. As I look back over my life, the thing that stands out is not who I am or what I have accomplished; the most significant thing to me is the relationships that have shaped who I am and have enabled me to do what I have done.
The premier relationship is my life is my relationship with God. God has become more than some celestial being, far removed. God has become Friend, Companion, the One whose presence has shaped my life, provided meaning, and given me the strength for living. And that relationship has been strengthened as I have walked through the current dark chapter in my life.
Second only to my relationship with God is my relationship with my family. I have often said that aside from the transforming and redeeming relationship with God, my relationship with Anita, Stephanie, Charley, and the others members of my nuclear family has been God’s greatest gift to me. We are a family flawed like other families, but there has been, and is, a bond of love that has shaped who I am, has encouraged me, and has taught me the deepest meaning of life. And that bond has been strengthened over these past few weeks. I grieve at the pain my illness has brought to their lives, but without them I couldn’t exist.
Finally, I have been overwhelmed by the relationships I enjoy with a wide circle of friends, friends who are more like family than anything else. I have always valued the friendships developed over the years. But I have been humbled at the number of friends who have been in touch over the past few weeks. I have heard from friends old and new, friends with whom I stay in touch and friends from whom I have been separated by time and distance.
I have heard from people whom I served as youth minister nearly forty years ago, as well as numerous others who were members of congregations I served, colleagues in ministry, and people from community and civic life. Their comments about our relationships have brought tears to my eyes and a song to my heart. Over and over I have said to Anita, “I had no idea he/she felt this way about me.” And I have been reminded that, too often, I have failed to share my feelings of love and appreciation with them.
Tom Rath points out in his book Vital Friends: “Friendships add significant value to our marriages, families, work, and lives. At some level, everything we see and feel is the product of a personal relationship. Look around you and see if you can identify anything created in true isolation. After pondering this for a few moments, you might notice how dependent we are on connections with other people. Remove relationships from the equation, and everything disappears." (p.16)
If friendship and personal relationships are so vital to our well being and our humanity, we would be wise to invest time to intentionally cultivate and nurture friendship in our families, churches and offices and in our other social networks.
What is real? For me, relationships! I give thanks to God for each one of you, the rich relationships we share, and for your willingness to stand with us in this time of need.I want you to know that I love you and give thanks to God for our relationship. And that’s real!
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