Dealing with Anger

I had a wonderful visit this week with a dear friend who is also a therapist. In a gentle, but firm way, she helped me to deal with my anger over what is happening to me. Psychologists remind us that anger is part and parcel of the grief process. What have I done with my anger?

For some Christians, anger is difficult to acknowledge and deal with. We refuse to admit that we are angry. It’s just not the “Christian thing” to do. Others spend time with misplaced anger. While others wallow in anger and never work through it in any redemptive way.

My friend Ann asked me, “What have you done with your anger?”

That’s a good question. I think I have dealt with my anger in an appropriate way. I am angry that this cancer has robbed me of my future on this earth. Just when new opportunities were falling into place and the future for expanded ministry looked bright, here comes pancreatic cancer to deny me of the blessings of this earthly life. Sure, I’m angry. Deeply angry! But, at whom?

There’s nothing wrong in admitting that, at times, we are angry with God. Okay, we don’t believe that God sent this life-ending disease, but couldn’t He have done something to prevent it? Couldn’t God, in His omnipotence, simply snuffed out this dread disease? If He could, why didn’t He? In my humanness, I have a right to be angry with God.

But that is a dead-end street. In the beginning, I had these same thoughts, this same anger, about a loving God who did nothing to stop this horrific, life-ending disease. But I soon moved beyond this God-blaming exercise. God loves me more that I can begin to comprehend, and He would never do anything to bring harm to me or to deny me of abundant life.

So, who can I blame? With whom can I be angry? There are times when there is no one to blame. We live in a fallen, imperfect, world where things like pancreatic cancer occur. Well, then, with whom should I be angry. Not at myself, not at God. But at this imperfect world where babies die far too soon, where people are massacred without cause, where hunger and sickness abound, where those with power crush those who are poor and powerless and marginalized.

But anger at this fallen world is not enough. What am I doing about it? How much of myself am I giving to eradicate the evil in this life? What am I doing to encourage research into life-shortening and life-eroding diseases? How supportive am I, though the gifts of my time, energy, and resources in helping empower those whose lives are robbed of their basic freedom and human rights?

Yes, I’m angry with how my life is ending! I’m angry that the evil of cancer is robbing me of the opportunity of embracing life for years to come. I can choose to deny or repress that anger. Or I can choose to acknowledge my anger, deal with it in redemptive ways, and ask God to keep anger from threatening to rob me of what time I have left.

I choose the latter. I refuse to allow anger to embitter me or to rob me of the joy that God wants to give me. I choose to use what remaining time I have to channel my anger in redemptive ways. I invite you to join me in dealing creatively with our anger as we move toward the future that God has prepared for us—a future devoid of anger and filled with hope and courage.

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